Penalties in Berlin

As certain as the rising sun: Germany wins on penalties.



We're headed to penalties. A poignant shot of two thoroughly dislikable goalies, Lehmann and Kahn, who even hate each other, talking before the shootout begins. Hopefully we'll find out later that Kahn was actually telling Lehmann he sucks, but I doubt it.

Neuville makes, Cruz makes, Ballack makes, Ayala MISSES, Podolski makes, Rodriguez makes, Borowski makes (is it me or was he picked 18th by the Wizards last night?), and Cambiasso MISSES. And it's over - Germany advances!

Devastation for Argentina. Their players are now either bawling or throwing punches, possibly at Oliver Bierhoff, a German staff member and former player. You hate to see that...yada...yada...yada. Argentina played some great footie this Cup, but they looked beatable against Mexico and today they really sat back and defended far too much after going up a goal. Still, these scenes are all too reminiscent of their tearful exit four years ago. Mascherano, Cambiasso, Lucho Gonzalez...they're all shattered. Gabriel Heinze might kill someone. But it's adios for Argentina.

So it's onto the semis for ze Germans. Argentina has a much deeper talent pool, with players like Aimar and Messi and Saviola that would all warrant starting spots for most other countries, Germany included, but you can only play 11 at a time - and right now, Germany's 11 can beat anyone. Pekerman will be questioned for playing so defensively for the last half hour, as well as for taking off Riquelme and not playing Messi at all, but he tried to hold on and fell only 10 minutes short. Once Klose scored, it was over; and especially when it came to penalties, everyone knew what was coming. Some things in soccer are written in stone: England's fans will riot, Spain will choke, and Germany will win penalty shootouts. Alvidazein, or something like that.

Extra Time in Berlin

'95 - O'Brien asks Balboa why we haven't seen Messi yet. Balboa informs him that they've used all of their three subs. You see, Davey boy, in soccer you're only allowed...oh, nevermind.

'100 - Ballack takes a dive in the box. Argentina's players want a yellow card. None forthcoming. Typical. You know, it's a circus - Maxi dives and Germany's players try to assault him, then Ballack dives and Argentina's players go nuts. This is why people hate this sport.

'105 - Ballack is barely moving. He could collapse at any moment.

'110 - Of the 50 fouls so far, 31 have been called against Argentina. For those of you without a 3rd grade math education, that's 62%. I'm shocked - Bennett Salvatore is normally pretty fair.

'115 - Tevez gets hacked down. He's one of four players still with a pulse, along with Frings, Tony Parker, and Coloccini, who just hit the post! Wow, Lehmann would have been incarcerated if that had gone in.

'120 - Argentina is the more dangerous side, but we're headed to PKs. And we know how the Germans are from the spot: lethal.

Fulltime in Berlin

'50 - Goooolllllll!!!! Ayala sends in a powerful header that beats Lehmann off a corner. Ayala is promptly called "Lucho Gonzalez" and "Argentina's captain" by ESPN's Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa. And they call themselves the Worldwide Leader.

'55 - It's a different game now. Much more open. Ballack shanks a header with Abbondazieri in no man's land. Riquelme blows a counter by holding onto the ball too long. Off day for Argentina's talisman.

'60 - Argentina looks like the team that played Mexico - dropping deep, giving up possession, etc. It's helped ze Germans wake up. Klinsmann subs in Tony Parker, who immediately starts bolting up and down the right wing. Argentina are playing a dangerous game, just sitting back and trying to defend.

'65 - Abbondazieri is down. Either Klose burst one of his kidneys or time wasting has begun with a half hour left.

'70 - And Abbondazieri is out. Wow. Not often you see a goalie bail with 20 minutes left in a Cup quarterfinal. It's an offense-defense drill right now for the German attackers.

'75 - Riquelme out! If this goes to extra time, Pekerman just took out his ace in the 5th inning with a one run lead. A bold move. Germany gets a gift of a call for a non-existent foul on Odonkor. Albiceleste barely holding on.

'80 - Goooolllllllll for ze Germans! Klose!!! And that was coming. Big time trouble for the South Americans. Riquelme out. Crespo out. Backup goalie in. No Messi today. Or Saviola either. No subs left. Germany is on a rampage. The home fans are going berserk. The ref hasn't called anything in Argentina's favor in, oh, 30 minutes. Not looking bueno for the Albiceleste.

'85 - Maxi carded for taking a dive. Good call. Odds of the ref calling a penalty for Argentina right now just posted at 900-1. Michel's body would be found floating in the Danube, with Beckenbauer & Blatter ready with their alibis.

'90 - Extra time. Ze Mannschaft has all the momentum. Argentina has put in Cruz up front to play against Germany's 7'2" centerbacks. It will take a miracle for Argentina to pull this one out. Advantage to ze Germans.

Halftime in Berlin

Tevez is happy about his first-half against the Germans. And about wearing that classy blue jersey.


Notes on a classic Germany-Argentina showdown in Berlin:

'5 - No love lost between these two. Germany, especially, is really getting stuck in, leaving their foot in on every tackle. Lots of afters already, but the ref Michel is keeping a lid on it. Podolski earns a yellow for taking Mascherano down way after the ball left - Germany's play so far very reminiscent of Bayern Munich in Europe: very physical, borderline dirty.

'10 - Pekerman has made three changes: Lucho Gonzalez for Cambiasso, Coloccini in place of Scaloni, and Tevez instead of Saviola. The tactics must be to get much more hair in the lineup. Mission accomplished.

'15 - Germany goes really close with a Ballack header off a great counter. Best chance of the game by far.

'20 - Argentina dominating possession, but not creating chances (a lot like Spain against France). Tevez looks like the most dangerous player on the pitch. Pekerman is playing him wide on the left in a 4-2-3-1. Mascherano has looked good in the center, but Riquelme, playing just ahead of him, has been shackled by Germany's physical marking. Frings looks very strong.

'35 - Ze Mannschaft continues to hassle Riquelme's every move. They've keyed in on him, which may leave Tevez free to give Friedrich fits on the left. Riquelme is spending a lot of time on his back, never given any time on the ball.

'45 - Halftime. Physical, scrappy game. Few chances, in fact Ballack's header is the only one of note. Argentina has kept possession and taken the crowd out of it, but they haven't even come close to scoring. Riquelme has been shut down by the excellent German defense. A lot of the 50-50 calls going the way of the hosts - no surprise there. For the most part, Michel has done well. Argentina have done well to take control of the game, but it's hard to see how they'll score, especially with Crespo disappearing up front. Germany has defended well and they look dangerous on free-kicks. It may have to be an error that decides it (Abbondazieri has looked shaky at times). First goal wins.

Back with a full match recap after the game.

Elite Eight Preview: Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

On July 1st in Frankfurt, Zidane will pass the torch to Ronaldinho and wave goodbye for the final time.


And now the real fun begins. After weeks of watching players that you can't identify and rooting passionately for teams that you couldn't care less about, we have arrived at the meat of the tournament. No more Saudi Arabia. No mas Paraguay. It's time for the heavyweights to get down to the task at hand. And as fun as it is to watch underdogs pull off the miraculous upsets we saw four years ago in Japan and Korea, it's even better when that lovable underdog you were rooting for loses and you realize just how mouth-watering the next round's match-ups really are. Case in point: unless you were from Italy, there's no way you could really have been cheering on the Azzurri in their game against the Aussies; but as soon as your anger at Medina Cantalejo's penalty call subsided, you realized that you'd much rather watch the Italians take on former AC Milan star and Ukrainian striker Andriy Shevchenko in the quarterfinals than an Australia-Ukraine game. And so it is that this weekend's slate of games is as full of heavyweight fights as anyone could have hoped for. Here's how it's going down:

Germany vs Argentina

Before the tournament started, I would have picked Argentina to beat the Germans seven times out of 10 on a neutral field. Now, after watching ze Mannschaft play some of the best footie seen at this Cup and the Albiceleste need a once-in-a-lifetime goal to beat Mexico, I'd call it even: five wins for Argentina, five for Germany. So what swings it one way or another? Berlin. With their hometown crowd cheering them on and all of the referee's decisions favoring the host nation, Germany will sneak into the semis. Argentina's vaunted attack will give the suspect German defense all sorts of problems, especially if Tevez and Messi get some serious playing time, but with the way this tournament is going, I think Germany can get its share of goals, too. Expect the Germans, especially the impressive Torsten Frings, to hone in on Riquelme and shut him down with persistent fouls and dogged man-marking, but he'll still find a way to help his attackers get by Mertesacker and Metzelder. At the other end, Ballack is due for a huge game and it's fair to say that there is no attacking duo in the tourney playing with the speed and verve of Klose and Podolski; also, Bastian Schweinsteiger, captain of the tourney's All-Name Team, is far better than any of Mexico's wingers, all of whom ran circles around Argentina's back-up right-back Lionel Scaloni. I see another long afternoon for the Argentine defender. Expect lots of goals. Expect some more bad decisions by the ref. Expect extra time. Expect penalties. And expect Germany to advance.

Italy vs (the) Ukraine

Italy is crap. The Azzurri have a way of playing exceptional defense, but somehow showing no attacking flair whatsoever. Cannavaro, Nesta, Zambrotta, Gattuso and Buffon are simply as good as it gets at the back, but something happens to attackers like Totti, Del Piero, Gilardino, Toni and Pirlo when they put on the blue jersey - their offensive instincts appear to desert them. Against Australia, we saw all the aspects of Italy's play: wonderful defending, zero success in attack, nasty tackling (see Materazzi, Marco), and a con-job on the ref that won the match for them. Against the Ukraine, the Azzurri will be without the injured Nesta and the suspended Materazzi, so the defense will be more vulnerable than usual. To make matters worse, Shevchenko has played against Italian defenses for the past few years in the Serie A; it was just a few weeks ago that he left AC Milan to join Chelsea. Sheva will get a goal against his old calcio friends and enemies and it may prove to be enough to spring the upset of the tournament, but Italy will find a way to win it. Barely.

England vs Portugal

England is another team that, like Italy, has not played well thus far but has done enough to advance. While there is one school of thought that says that England (and Italy) will now start to gel as a unit and play up to their potential, I don't see it happening. The Brits have had four games to start playing like a Cup-winning team and they haven't done it. In their win over Ecuador, they would have been a goal down within 20 minutes had it not been for the help of Ashley Cole and the post. And England scored their lone goal against Ecuador thanks to some shaky free-kick goaltending by el Tri's Cristian Mora - Beckham should take note that Portugal's keeper Ricardo doesn't wear face-paint or look like like he's 12. To make matters worse, Sven Goran Erikkson doesn't seem to have a clue. Not only has he had the last four games of this Cup, but Eriksson has in fact had more than the last four years to come up with a winning line-up. Starting Owen Hargreaves, a defensive midfielder, at right back rings of desperation. England's only hope is for Beckham to continue to carry the team and for Rooney to come good when it matters most. Possible? Yes. Likely? No. Portugal will be without Deco and Costinha and, while Simao will struggle to make anyone forget about the former, both Tiago and Petit may prove to be an upgrade over the latter. Scolari has had Eriksson's number recently, from coaching Brazil to a win over England in '02 to leading this same Portugal team to a win over England just two years ago in the Euro champioships - the third time won't be the charm for the Swede, whose England career will end at the hands of his long-time nemesis. Portugal on penalties.

Brazil vs France

Les Bleus suddenly improved at the start of the knock-out phase, defeating an excellent Spanish squad 3-1. After such a poor start to the tournament, the French legends somehow found a way to re-create the magic of '98 and Euro 2000. Thuram was a tower of strength at the back, Vieira was majestic in midfield, and Zidane always looked dangerous against the Spanish defense, constantly looking to play deadly through-balls into space for Henry (who took a dive in the 82nd minute and conned the ref into giving France the game-winning free kick). Even the new guard, such as Gallas and Ribery, looked fantastic. France might have given the Spanish the bulk of the possession, but they always looked to be the more dangerous side; if they pick up where they left off against the Spaniards - and especially if Henry can do a better job of breaking the offside trap - France can re-live the glory of '98 one more time. Still, Brazil was the pick before the tourney began and, despite appearing to be nowhere near as impressive as everyone had expected, la Canarinha are scoring loads of goals (three vs Ghana, four vs Japan), Ronaldo is the world's most clinical finisher once again, and Kaka and Ronaldinho can pick apart even the strongest defenses (and France has one of the best). Look for Parreira's boys to gain revenge for the disaster in Paris eight years ago, as Zidane is forced into early-retirement by the lethal combination of his former Real Madrid teammate Ronaldo and the person to whom Zidane will pass on the torch of world's best playmaker, Ronaldinho.

A Draft Recap (or "Pithy Comments About Athletes with Upside")

Yeah, he cried like a baby. But is he athletic?

As always, the Draft delivered. A night stock full of head-spinning trades, head-scratching picks, and head-bangers who cry. There's no need to go into who came out the big winners or losers or what grades each team should get - everyone gave Toronto an F for taking Charlie Villanueva last year and look how that turned out. Still, such remarkable self-restraint doesn't mean we can't discuss the night's highlights - so here they are, from start to finish (well, to the end of the 1st round - Stephen A screaming his lungs out about some hapless Belarussian makes Bill O'Reilly sound educated):

The first remotely-surprising move came when the real MJ proves he knows infinitely more than his old nemesis Isiah and takes Adam Morrison at #3. Morrison is then subjected to more questions about his tearful exit from the Tourney this year. Am I missing something here? Why is this such a big deal? Hell, there's even a video game commercial with Morrison talking about his crying: "Yeah, I cried. Big deal. And I'm going to cry again. And in the NBA, I'm going to make people cry". First of all, that's going to send all of the kids out there rushing to the store to pick up that video game; I can see it now: "Yo, the dude cries. That's bad ass". Second, who cares? Why is it so newsworthy that Morrison shed some tears after (well okay, during...) one of the most crushing Tourney choke-jobs in recent years. That UCLA team came back from double-digits down to end Morrison's college career. And it's a big deal that he cries? Players on other teams cry all the time. Players in other sports cry all the time. Heck, one of the enduring images from Japan/Korea '02 was the sight of Argentina's players bawling as they left the field after being eliminated by Sweden - nothing could ever explain the passion, the importance, and the beauty of soccer better than those images: a team of superstars reduced to floods of tears because they knew, as only some athletes do, just how important their success was to their fans, just how much the World Cup meant to their countrymen. That passion is one of the best things in sports. Then again, now it's also part of a video ad campaign.

Yesterday I predicted big nights from the Bulls and Rockets. Right on the former, dead wrong on the latter. Houston got robbed blind by Memphis, even though I'm not a fan of Rudy Gay at all - still, at #8, the risk might be worth it, even though the Grizzlies' next pick, Nova's Kyle Lowry, will be a better pro. As for da Bulls, they used deals with Portland and Philadelphia to grab Tyrus Thomas at #4, an excellent pick, and then Thabo Sefolosha at #13. As a Philly native, I pay close attention to the Sixers and it's always fun to watch Billy King drive that franchise into the ground. (Hey Pat Croce, the door is always open...) The Sixers picked Sefolosha and, before the trade was announced, I could be seen spewing expletives at the TV. But then, as the commentators started raving about Sefolosha and ESPN showed highlights of this 6'7" stud lighting it up in Europe, I started to come around, only for King to deal the kid to Chicago. The Sixers then picked Rodney Carney at #16, who was described as "athletic"; in fact, when asked what he would bring to the Sixers, Carney even said "athleticism". Well, then I love the pick - any time you can get an athlete in the first round of the NBA Draft, you can't pass that up. Admittedly, I was hoping for a jock, but I'll take an athlete. And apparently the Sixers' 2nd round pick likes sports.

In the midst of all this athleticism, David Stern and Dan Patrick had an alternately hilarious and uncomfortable exchange. After the Commish, half-joking, criticized Patrick for his "pithy comments" and negative remarks about all of the draft picks, Patrick fired back that he always liked the NFL's Paul Tagliabue better. Patrick then realized that the next negative comment would result in him taking a cianide-laced dart in the neck, so after he started to criticize the next pick's shooting form, he quickly switched to some absurd, trying-to-be-positive comments about how Ronnie Brewer had really improved his free-throw shooting. Smart move, Danny Boy. If only the ESPN crew had shown the same restraint when ripping the Blazers' fantastic draft, which netted them LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon R-O-Y, and Sergio Rodriguez (a heck of a player from Spain), a draft haul unmatched by any other team.

And then, just when you thought that the tension couldn't get any thicker, it was the Knicks pick. Remind me to never praise Isiah on anything, ever, under any circumstances. My compliments on his draft resume will be the last positive comments I ever make regarding He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Renaldo Balkman? Described, by Isiah himself, as a cross between Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest! So, on the plus side, the Knicks fans can now look forward to arrests, drug use, rap records, arena riots, on-court brawls and a certifiably-insane under-sized power forward. Even the clan of Eminem wanna-bes (combined brain-cells: 13) who assaulted ESPN's Mark Jones during a pre-pick interview knew that the Knicks had to take UConn's Marcus Williams. And that's what would have happened, had the Anti-Midas not been making the pick.

So the Knicks screwed up, some athletes got drafted, a guy named "Gay" was drafted lower than expected, Jerry West made a great deal, and ESPN's commentators sounded like a bunch of idiots. I guess the draft really wasn't so full of surprises after all...

No se puede

History repeats itself in Hanover: France 3, Spain 1. (Oh, and the Ukraine advances to the quarters)


Ecuador, home of that infectious and inspiring "Si se puede!" chant, came to the World Cup, looked decent in wins over Costa Rica and Poland, but listless in losses to Germany and England. Ecuador was eliminated in the second round, having created no more than one scoring chance against the Brits.
Spain, a team that would never have room for any of Ecuador's 23 squad players, came to the World Cup, looked amazing in huge wins over the Ukraine and Tunisia and even managed to sleepwalk through another win, this one by the Spanish JV no less, over the Saudis. Spain was eliminated in the second round, having created no more than one scoring chance against the French.
The Ukraine, a non-descript team if ever there was one, who can only claim Andriy Shevchenko as a reason to pay them any attention, lost to Spain 4-0. They then beat Tunisia and the Saudis before playing the most boring of games against the Swiss. The Ukraine won on penalties, having created no more than one scoring chance in their second-round game.
Three teams. Three vastly different soccer nations. Three completely different paths to the second round. One team beat the minnows and got overrun by the big fish. Another looked unbeatable, only to fall short against a team of legends. And another looked unimpressive in most of its games, got a favorable draw, and squeaked on to the quarterfinals. Three different fates for three different teams, but history wrote one team's destiny long ago.
Of course, we only care about the one team in the bunch that made our short list for possible candidates to win it all. Spain has a collection of young soccer talent that no - that's right, NO - other country can match. Casillas, Torres, Ramos, Joaquin, Reyes, Fabregas, Alonso, Pablo, Garcia, Iniesta...the list goes on and on - and to think that we haven't mentioned players of the caliber of Guti, De la Pena, Vicente, and Morientes. They are truly a pleasure to watch. But alas, they all wear the red of Spain, which can only be described as the scarlet letter of world soccer. Today, despite a stellar first-round, the Spanish ran up against a French team that seemingly needed to oppose a team capable of striking fear into it before they decided to play well. Tonight, the Spanish are on a plane back to Madrid. Another World Cup disaster for a nation that deserves far better.
Earlier in this tournament, la Furia Roja were compared to the Atlanta Braves for their history of playing well until it really counts and then choking under the pressure. The comparison is a good one, but I wonder if the Braves fans ever really start to believe in their team. Seeing as there are never more than 30,000 people in their ballpark, I doubt it. The torture endured by the fans down in dear ole Castilla is far worse. The Spanish aficionados know their history. They understand it. They respect it, to the point that they don't even get excited for these tournaments any more. It's just too painful. But every time, their squad proves so enticing, so full of talent, so wonderful to watch, so impossible to resist. And this time around was no different. They entered the France game on a 25-game unbeaten streak, fresh off a perfect first-round phase, a team free of the regional divisions that are so representative of Spain and so lethal to a team's success. Heck, they entered the game, against a France team still loaded with players that won both the 1998 World Cup and 2000 European Championships, as favorites. But all of the talent in the world, all of the confidence and optimism, cannot overcome that feeling of impending doom, that weight of past failures, that constant reminder of a cursed history. And so it was again today, when the weight of destiny shattered Spanish dreams once more.
The Spanish word "morbo" is hard to define, but it is some combination of "history", "rivalry", "intrigue", and "hatred". In the soccer world, it is used to describe games rife with these factors. Sometimes, "morbo" can be too much overcome. Consider that Zinedine Zidane, one of the greatest players ever, is now playing his final tournament after a career in which his greatest victories have come while wearing the blue shirt of France and the white of Real Madrid, Spain's most successful and emblematic club. Consider that it was Thierry Henry, subject of a racial slur by Spain's coach Luis Aragones just last year, who led the French attack. Consider that France's Patrick Vieira and Spain's Cesc Fabregas, the past and present of Arsenal, faced off against one another in midfield, a fading genius facing his emerging successor. So it should come as no surprise that what happened today in Hannover is full of the "morbo" that makes this sport so enticing.
80 minutes had left the teams level at a goal each; the Spanish, per usual, had dominated the possession but failed to create any real chances, while the French, despite their old age and team turmoil and poor coaching, looked the more dangerous team. When so little separates two teams, it must have been reminders of past triumphs and failures that tilted the scales to one side. While Aragones protested on the sidelines, Henry took a dive as he went for a loose ball against Spain's Puyol and conned the Italian referee into awarding his team a free kick. Zidane lofted it into the box, where Vieira appeared at the back post to bury it in the net. And how fitting it was that it was Zidane who, well into injury time, stormed forward on a breakaway to slot the ball past his Real Madrid teammate, Iker Casillas. And it is all too perfect that now, with one game full of "morbo" in the books, France will move on to a quarterfinal date with Brazil, the loser of the '98 Cup final which signalled Zidane's arrival as one of the greatest of all time. But for the Spanish, it is one more national tragedy, one more disappointment that can now take its rightful place alongside so many countless others. The Spanish, so full of hope and pride just 24 hours ago, are heading home. So too is Ecuador. And remember the Ukraine, those 4-0 whipping boys? It's on to the quarterfinals for them, just in case Spain needed any more salt rubbed into their open wounds. No se puede, Espana, no se puede.

End Result of Switzerland-Ukraine: An NBA Draft Preview

Great wingspan, huge upside potential, sky-high ceiling, and absurd pinstriped suit. It's the NBA Draft!


...(This is what happens when Switzerland & the Ukraine play 120 torturous minutes of scoreless footie in the second round of the World Cup - I mean, shouldn't the ref have awarded a completely non-existent penalty by now?)...

With the World Cup at its approximate halfway point - when most of the lightweights have already boarded planes for home and left the heavyweights to square off against one another - it's time for a rare break from ripping FIFA, admiring the attacking verve of Germany and Argentina and Spain, suffering through more O'Brien/Balboa torture, and looking forward to a quarterfinal match finishing with both teams playing with seven men & a coach launching a grenade at the ref. And what better way to take some time off than to celebrate the arrival of one of the best American sports days of the year: the NBA Draft. This year, other than Knicks jokes & ridiculous, oversized suits, there are fewer 'sure things' than in recent memory. You can't count on much come Wednesday night, but here's what I'm looking forward to:

1. A plethora of first-round busts. Let's start with the Dookies. For a school with such a pristine reputation, the Harvard of the South has sure taken a big hit to its reputation this year. We won't get into the lacrosse fiasco, but one thing that everyone heard ad nauseum this spring was that Coach K never would've tolerated any of those shenanigans with the basketball program. Like what, maybe poster-boy JJ Redick getting hit with a DUI? I guess that would never happen. An ominous start to post-college life for Redick, who is destined to disappoint in the Association, too. His college teammate, Shelden Williams, might be even more of a flop. Sorry, but 6-9 and 270 sounds a lot like Sean May, another beefy, undersized forward who hasn't done and will never do much in the pros, other than join the ongoing battle with Mike Sweetney for most grotesquely overweight power forward. Fellas, it's one thing for Sir Charles to blow past the 300-mark - the guy's already had a Hall of Fame career - but you guys might want to hold off on that fifth triple-cheeseburger for a few more years.

2. Everyone picking the Pistons to finish third in the Central behind the Cavs and the Bulls, who - thanks to a generous donation from Isiah - have the second pick in the draft. Look for the Bulls, who scared the crap out of the Heat in the first round, to grab Aldridge. How's this for a starting line-up: Hinrich, Gordon, Nocioni, Aldridge, and Chandler, with Duhon, Deng, and the aforementioned Sweetney off the bench. Oh, and they've got the 16th pick, too. If they elect not to draft Aldridge and somehow swindel Shawn Marion away from the Suns, then they will be even better equipped to make some serious noise in the East next year.

3. An ESPN telecast with more BS than a White House press briefing. You never know who to believe at this time of year, other than not trusting a word out of Bill Walton's mouth (not that you should pay him any attention during the other 364 days either). There are just way too many rumors, but never have they involved so many big-time superstars. As well as the Matrix, rumor has it that KG, AI, Jermaine O'Neal, and Rashard Lewis are all on the block. For fans in Minnesota & Philly, you have to be on the verge of cardiac arrest at the prospect of Kevin McHale and Billy King trading your franchise player - if only the two would deal with each other, than the Twolves & Sixers might actually be able to make a fair trade. King is the one man who could even get less value for AI than the Sixers got for Sir Charles way back in the day (Hornacek, Perry, Lang...why not just throw in some used toilet paper?). One rumor that would help another team with a lottery pick poised to make some noise next season has the Hawks selecting Brandon Roy, at #5, only to send him to Houston for future bust (and possible #7 pick) Shelden Williams and Luther Head. Were Roy to end up on the same squad as T-Mac and Yao, the Rockets would have to enter the discussion of possible candidates to emerge from the West next year, along with the Mavs, Spurs, and Suns. Another lottery steal could be Randy Foye, who could also be a nice fit in Youston.

4. "When you talk about the best player in the draft, you have to talk about guys like Rudy Gay. You know that guys like Morrison, Aldridge, and Roy can play, but if you're a scout then you have to be drooling over Gay's upside. You should see this kid's wingspan - and that's what makes his ceiling impossible to even comprehend."
See, it's insider information courtesy of ESPN's Hubie Ford like that that can only be found here at World Soccer Blogger. Here we do footie better than hoops, so it must be a sign of ignorance that we go on a clearly out-dated method of scouting: watch the guys play and draw your opinions based on their performances in big-time games. I'll take Morrison, Aldridge, and Roy any day before Gay even enters the discussion. Randy Foye, too. Heck, even Marcus Williams. Never before has there been such a plethora of atrocious GMs in the Association; combined with scouting departments that seem to place more emphasis on what you could do than what you can do, you've got a recipe for disaster. It's only a matter of time before a 19-year old 7-footer from Bulgaria with a 9-foot wingspan who averaged 4 points a game in the Belgian league gets taken ahead of All-Americans that dropped triple-doubles in the Elite Eight; we'll be watching grainy footage from a Cypriot exhibition match of the kid dunking over double amputees while Stephen A & Jay Bilas yell at the camera about the guy's upside. Sure, there are plenty of players that lit it up in college that will struggle to succeed at the next level for any number of reasons (see Redick, JJ), but that doesn't mean that the known should be ignored in favor of the unknown. Then again, there are zero rational reasons for an owner to employ Isiah, so at least these millionaire morons are being consistent.
Just take a look at ESPN's draft website. Thomas is listed as the top prospect, but described as risky; Bargnani is second, but is called a gutsy pick; Aldridge is third, but might be slipping to no. 6; but Roy, fourth in the rankings, is described as a player that is 'the most complete' and 'does everything well'. And he's fourth? Huh?
Me? If I'm kicking off draft night, Brandon Roy is the first man to shake Stern's hand. Aldridge would be up there, but I want a sure thing, especially one with more of a killer instinct than a passive streak. Morrison is a throwback that I stayed up past midnight for on a regular basis this past year, just to see him do his best Larry Legend imitation against Northeast Idaho Tech, but when you're getting abused by WAC swingmen, I'm not optimistic about your defense in the Association. Gay's a joke, Bargnani's a risk, Thomas is the definition of 'upside potential', and O'Bryant averaged 12 points for Bradley - 'nuff said. From U-Dub, give me the appropriately named Brandon R.O.Y.

5. More Isiah. Give me more. Mas y mas. And allow me to compliment myself on some remarkable self-restraint - only a couple Isiah comments in the entire post. Well done, me. Part of that is that it's all been said, part of that is that any Knicks fan had to know what to expect when the Holy Trinity of Basketball A**holes was formed around this time last year, and part of that is that if there's one area where Isiah is not a complete and total abomintion it is the draft. T-Mac, Damon Stoudamire, Marcus Camby, Channing Frye, Nate Robinson...hey, with all the damage done by Isiah in every other area - the man has the anti-Midas touch - Knicks fans can at least find some cause for optimism there. The biggest story of this draft will not be another Isiah Act of Idiocy, but rather some established superstars being dealt in blockbuster deals, the Bulls and Rockets going from pretenders to contenders, Rudy Gay ruining the foreseeable future of one team with a top-five pick, and more appalling designer suits than have ever been seen in one room since, well, this time last year.

In the meantime, don't miss Spain vs France this afternoon. Fernando Torres has some serious upside potential...and any knucklehead know never to underestimate the importance of wingspan in soccer.

Travashamockery

The British press wants him benched, but Becks can still bend it better than anyone (how 'bout that onomatopoeia!).

What a difference a day makes. After spending Saturday watching one great display of attacking prowess followed by a nail-biting encounter only decided by the finest of goals - a day that had to remind every soccer fan why we love this game - we were all treated on Sunday to a bitter reminder of all the crap that we have to put up with in between.

England, a nation that can boast one of the world's best leagues, if not the best, as well as a conglomerate of superstars that few other countries can even dream of, continues to put in one lackluster display after another. If they had had to beat teams better than Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago, Sweden, and Ecuador, all of their fans would already be five days into another 80-pint bender to forget about the latest disaster. As it is, England is into the quarterfinals, thanks to absolutely nothing other than a few sporadic moments of individual brilliance. Speaking of benders, today's highlight came from that pretty boy married to that plastic freakshow that pasty faced Brits used to get all ga-ga over back when she & her Spice Girls weren't a national laughingstock. Now she's a joke and he's subject to more ridicule than any player of his talent has ever deserved. Excuse me if I'm missing something here, but all Becks does is put in one gutsy, team-oriented, selfless performance after another. He's never been the fastest player nor the most talented, but it's awfully hard to name many players more devoted to the cause. Before this match, the British press (the only one in the world to make America's journalism standards look remotely acceptable) wanted the captain benched; some suggested that he be played out of position at right back. As they say over in the land of pork-pies and pubs, bollocks. Beckham almost single-handedly won this game, aided by a nick-of-time Ashley Cole and a bullish Wayne Rooney. You can hate him because he's better-looking than you, but give him his due: in between some McNabb-like regurgitation, Becks put the rest of the boys on his back and carried them into the quarters.

After witnessing the horror show that England and Ecuador forces us to suffer through, one could be forgiven for confidently expecting Portugal and Holland, two of the world's ten best teams, to treat us to a match worthy of the World Cup. And maybe they would have, had one Valentin Ivanov not followed in the footsteps of Markus Merk and Graham Poll before him and given us all a masterclass on how to ruin a potential classic. At this point, FIFA now only trails the NCAA in the running for sport's most incomptetent governing body. And it all could have been so different if a little common sense were applied - like, for example, maybe realizing that 16 yellow cards and 4 red ones were not what anyone in the world tuned in to see this afternoon. One would think that the players must have been brandishing knives or wearing brass knuckles, but all of these cards are the result of an international referee having no clue how to manage a match. For anyone who's ever been a teacher or a student (and I like to think that my, er, audience is an educated one), think of a classroom. What happens if the teacher starts repriminanding every student for doing everything from sharpening a pencil without asking to coughing without covering their mouth to looking anywhere else but squarely at the chalkboard? It creates an environment of tension, discomfort, increased hostility and general unhappiness, it detracts from the real reason why everyone is there in the first place, and it prevents any constructive, positive learning from taking place. Today, it wasn't the Portuguese and Dutch players that made this a dirty, nasty game - it was Ivanov. As the 90th minute approached, I didn't know whether to hope for 30 minutes of stoppage time or three. Thankfully, it's over now, but with each passing game the World Cup, FIFA's pride & joy, continues to descend into farce thanks to refereeing that can only be described as unbearable, inexplicable, and somewhere worse than amateurish. And that's an understatement.

So it's Portugal through to face England on Saturday, where Sven Goran Eriksson gets a chance to make it three losses in a row at the hands of Big Phil Scolari (World Cup '02 & Euro '04 were acts 1 and 2). Barring a quick English turnaround, Eriksson will be able to point to one man who was single-handedly responsible for his demise. Of course, if England do find a way to win it, then it will be Scolari who may blame his own personal nemesis: Mr. Ivanov, who not only ruined today's game, but will keep both Costinha (no loss there) and Deco (muy grande loss) from taking the field thanks to their automatic suspensions; even Cristiano Ronaldo, a victim of one of the few red-card worthy tackles in today's game, may miss the match due to injury. All the same, Portugal has played far better footie than England thus far. Normally I would say that this game has the potential to be a dandy, but with FIFA running the show & their band of refs as the chief protagonists, all bets are off. Odds of another travashamockery? Now that's what the smart money says.

Are you serious???

Apparently Maxi Rodriguez has the same effect on your author that Christian Laettner has on Thomas Hill

There are goals, there are gols, and then there are "golazo, golazo, gooollllaaazzzooooo!"s that make you leap out of your seat like someone stuck a lit firecracker up your ass, yell at the TV in complete disbelief, and stand there making the Thomas Hill face for 30 seconds before you come to grips with the fact that what you saw really actually happened. That was Maxi Rodriguez's golazo against Mexico. I have no other words to describe it. Golazo. Golazo!!! Golfreakinazo!!!!!

Up to that point, the complete role-reversal that I had predicted had inexplicably taken place. Argentina's worst fears had been realized: their players were playing like their boots were made of lead (I think I actually saw Lionel Scaloni crap his pants), the Albiceleste couldn't seem to get a grip on the game in midfield, Lavolpe had his equipo ready to play, el Tricolor were playing confident, nothing-to-lose soccer, and they got the all-important first goal after only 4 minutes. Had Argentina not scored off an own-goal by Borgetti just five minutes later there is no telling what would have happened. Even with the game knotted at 1, Argentina looked nothing like the team that run rampant through the group stage. They looked terribly nervous, a sentiment shared by their fans, especially aficionado numero uno Diego Maradona who was seen rocking back and forth like Leo Mazzone during another Braves collapse. Argentina is a team that, a lot like Spain, plays a possession-based game; the Albiceleste expect to win the possession battle 60%-40%, allowing Riquelme the control of the ball that he needs to dissect the oppossing defense. In a damning example of Esteban Cambiasso's dreadful performance, Mexico held the advantage in possession at the half. In fact, Argentina could consider themselves lucky to start the second half with 11 men; had Markus Merk or Graham Poll been the man in the middle instead of Switerland's Massimo Busacca, Gabriel Heinze would surely have earned a straight red for his tackle on Fonseca in first half injury time. As it was, Argentina started the second half making the same mistakes of the first - their play made it seem as if they thought that they held were winning the game: dropping far too deep in defense, reliniquishing possession, playing with no sense of urgency, and never looking to counter-attack with pace are all characteristics of a team with the lead, not one locked in a tie game in the second round of the World Cup. However, as the second half went on, as playmakers like Carlitos Tevez and Pablo Aimar and Lionel Messi entered the game, Argentina's play improved noticeably. Riquelme, who put in a disturbingly subdued performance, began to see more of the ball. And with time winding down, the Albiceleste scored a perfectly legitimate goal thanks to some beautiful combination play from Aimar and Messi, but as has become all too common in this tourney, a referee's mistake nullified it on a non-existent offsides call. The game went to extra time, where thanks to the speed and unpredictability of Pekerman's three playmaking subs, Argentina looked the better team. Still, it would take an absolute golazo-azo-azo for them to advance. To quote one of ESPN's few watchable commentators, Maxi Rodriguez is clutch, and clutch is everything in life.

Argentina now moves on to face Germany in Berlin on Friday. If Argentina puts in another uninspired performance against the hosts, who looked simply breathtaking in their 2-0 slaughter of Sweden today, it will be another long flight back to Buenos Aires for the boys in blue. Pekerman must replace Scaloni, who was so badly abused today that the Argentine right wing turned into a Mexican version of the Autobahn, with a healthy Nicolas Burdisso or Fabrizio Coloccini, as well as demand a much-improved performance from Cambiasso, who will be facing Germany's imperious Michael Ballack in midfield. Captain Juampi Sorin must also play far better than he did today; still, no one is more important for the Argentines than Riquelme - unless he can find a way to have more of an influence on the game, Argentina will be in big trouble in Berlin. It should be a fantastic match, one that will pit two soccer superpowers against each other with a berth to the semifinals at stake, and one that no soccer fan can afford to miss. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go pick my jaw up off the floor and watch about 80 replays of Maxi's golazo...

Sweet 16 Preview

Dumb and Dumber...and Dumberer...and Dumberest... - The World Cup rests in the hands of these men.


The Picks: Germany, Argentina, Italy, Switzerland, England, Portugal, Brazil, Spain (with Mexico, the Ukraine, and France the most likely candidates to spring an upset).

Germany vs Sweden

The hosts should have enough to win this one, assuming they get the requisite calls from refs swayed by the hometown fans. Sweden has plenty of firepower, with Ibrahimovic and Larsson and Ljungberg as feared an attacking trio as you can find this side of South America, but they haven't been at their best yet, save for a second-half flurry against England. Germany has played some of the best soccer in the Cup, attacking with a reckless abandon never before seen from ze Mannschaft. With Ballack healthy again, Klose leading the chase for the Golden Boot, and a young team gaining in confidence with every win, expect Germany to move on to the quarterfinals.

Argentina vs Mexico

Argentina has been, without question, the most impressive team in the tournament thus far. A 6-0 beatdown of Serbia & Montenegro is testament to that. On the other hand, Mexico has been a huge disappointment, unable to beat Angola despite playing a man up and losing against Portugal in the last group game. So why do I think that Mexico will give the Argentines a real run for their money? A few reasons. Mexico's coach, Ricardo Lavolpe, is an Argentinian who knows that team inside & out - he'll have his muchachos ready to play. And just last year, Argentina played Mexico in the Confederations Cup, an international tournament in Germany (see the parallels, yet?) and both countries fielded teams similar to the ones that will take the field tomorrow. The result? Argentina on penalties. I see tomorrow's match heading to extra time and possibly even penalties, too, but like Argentina to squeak by in a match much closer than anyone expects.

Italy vs Australia

Italy will win this one, but it will be a return to the 'catenaccio' style of the Azzurri's past - a real grind-it-out affair, probably no more than a goal separating the two sides. Australia has proven that they can play with the best sides in the world, as evidenced by their impressive performance in a loss to Brazil. Meanwhile, Italy has only looked good in their win against the Czechs; if Marcello Lippi is smart, he'll make sure to get Filippo Inzaghi into the starting lineup. He might not be 6'5", young, fast, or in any way intimidating, but all 'Pippo' does is score goals. Guess what? That makes him a pretty damn good striker. Italy still does not convince me, but they've got an easy road all the way to the semis. If they can beat the Socceroos, they'll face the winner of...

Switzerland vs (the) Ukraine

This is one of those match-ups that a lot of people (but not all) wouldn't expect to see in round 2 of the World Cup, two historically weak footballing nations, one of whom will make it all the way to the quarterfinals. I'll take the Swiss, but they sorely need a healthy Phillippe Senderos (how many Arsenal fans would ever have expected those words to be written a year ago?). The big defender will be counted on by the Swiss to shut down Ukraine's Andriy Shevchenko, one of the world's best strikers. This weekend will be the first edition of what should be a series of long, hard battles between these two: Senderos plays for Arsenal, while Sheva just signed for Arsenal's cross-town rivals Chelsea. My money's on Sheva to score, but the deeper, more battle-hardened Swiss to advance. Don't believe me when I call the Swiss battle-hardened? (And why would you - these are the Swiss) This is a team that, with bottles and bags of urine raining down upon them, needed an armed escort out of the stadium in Istanbul after eliminating Turkey in a World Cup play-off. And the game-winning goal that put them in round 2 was a header by Senderos, who in the process opened up a massive wound on the bridge of his nose, blood gushing down his face as he celebrated his goal.

England vs Ecuador

Another team that has been nowhere near as good as it could or should be, England continues to disappoint. Sven-Goran Eriksson has already announced that he's quitting after the Cup, but that won't stop him from hurting the team in the meantime. The British midfield desperately needs a defensive, hard-tackling ball-winner to free their two stars, Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard, for more offensive duties; Owen Hargreaves fits the bill, but it remains to be seen if Eriksson will start him and, if so, whom he will send to the bench. There have been calls for Beckham to be the one riding the pine, but he should keep his spot and Joe Cole, after a man-of-the-match performance against Sweden, has to keep his place. My guess is that he'll play with a 4-5-1, with Rooney on his own up front and Crouch - who is no great loss - on the bench. Why have I not mentioned Ecuador? Because they've had their run. Congrats on making the second round, thanks for playing, and have a safe flight back to Quito.

Portugal vs Holland

This should be the pick of the litter for the second round. Two teams that met a few years ago in Euro '04 will be at it again; Portugal won that one, but the game was played on their home turf and the Dutch have a markedly different squad. Marco Van Basten has been a coaching revelation in the past few years, having gutted the Dutch squad of many of its big-name players and called up a lot of internationally-unknown players from the Eredivisie, but it's worked wonders. The Oranje looked great in qualifying and, while not looking overly impressive in the group stage, still managed wins against Serbia & Montenegro and the Ivory Coast, as well as a draw against Argentina. This game is really a pick 'em, but I'll take Portugal; with Figo, Ronaldo, Deco, Pauleta, and more, they've just got too much firepower for Van Basten's boys. And guess what that would set up? An Eriksson-Big Phil rematch in the quarters. Giddy up!

Brazil vs Ghana

Sorry to rain on the parade here, but I'm not about to start drooling all over Ghana. It's a great Cinderella story, but this team looked good against the Czech Republic and that's about it. They looked overwhelmed at times in the opener against Italy and were under siege against the US before Markus Merk bailed them out with a gift of a penalty. And now, they'll be without Essien when they need him most. Stephen Appiah came through with a man-of-the-match performance for the Black Stars against the Americans - he'll need to be five times as good against the Samba Boys. Brazil looks to be coming together just in time, with an inspired performance to close out the group stage with a 4-1 win over Japan. Ronaldo is scoring goals again, Kaka is on-form, and Ronaldinho...well, you know he's due for a big game here. I still think Brazil looks far more beatable than anyone would have expected two weeks ago, but they'll cruise through this one. Brazil in a romp.

Spain vs France

From Cordoba to Zaragoza, everyone in Spain continues to delude themselves into thinking that this will be the year when Spain finally breaks through and makes the semifinals. As a huge admirer of la Seleccion and their high-quality, possession-oriented play, I'd love to see that happen. With a fantastic core of young players like Torres, Fabregas, Alonso, Garcia, Reyes, Joaquin, and Sergio Ramos, the potential is there. Then again, it's always there with Spain. France has looked dreadful at times this tournament and their coach, Raymond Domenech, is the Rich Kotite of world soccer, but something tells me they could win this one. Although les Bleus didn't impress against Switzerland or Korea, they were on the wrong end of some bad calls that could have changed things for them. Against Togo, they had about 59 scoring chances before scoring twice in the second half to advance; a quadruple-amputee could have done better than Franck Ribery. Unfortunately for the French, a lot depends on what Domenech does with striker David Trezeguet. Against Togo, Trezegol started in place of the suspended Zidane and was very active up front. Now Zizou will be back in the line-up against Spain, leaving Domenech with a decision to make. Here's one idea: play them both - Zidane on the left of midfield, Ribery on the right, with Henry and Trezegol up front. If Domenech does that, France could win this. Then again, seeing as Domenech makes fewer rational decisions than a drunk college kid in Vegas, the Spanish armada will probably live to sink another day. One more thing: there's a Spanish word, "morbo", that doesn't really have a direct translation to English, but it basically means a combination of "history", "rivalry", "intrigue" and "hatred" (Phil Ball wrote a fantastic book titled "Morbo" - for a history of Spanish soccer but even more importantly amazing insight into the country of Spain, read it). For example, there is a ton of "morbo" between Barcelona, a club symbolic of all things Catalan, independent, and liberal, and Real Madrid, symbolic of Castilla, Spain, Franco, and conservative tradition. A more American example of this would be the rivalry between the Red Sox and Yankees. Consider these examples of "morbo" between France and Spain: Zizou, in what could be his last game ever, will be playing against many of his old teammates from Real Madrid; Henry gets his chance to exact some revenge for a racial slur directed at him by Spain's coach Luis Aragones last year, when he encouraged Reyes, a teammate of Henry's at Arsenal, to "show that black s*** that you're better than him"; and it was none other than the French who eliminated the Spanish six years ago at Euro '00, when Raul skied his penalty over the bar and sent the Spanish home broken-hearted yet again. All of this "morbo" should make for one highly-charged encounter, one that will in all likelihood come down to a few breaks here and there - given the Spaniards' track record, the aficionados in the land of sangria & siestas have plenty of cause for concern. I'm picking la Furia Roja to win it, but a confident pick it is most certainly not.

Whoever advances to the Elite 8, this is shaping up to be a great series of elimination rounds: all of the top teams, save the Czech Republic, have qualified for the knock-out phase. Potential quarter and semi-final match-ups are as mouth-watering as even the most optimistic soccer fan could have hoped for when the tournament began. Even if there are some upsets in the sweet 16 - and more likely than not there will be - the most likely underdogs to advance are teams like Holland, France, Mexico and Ukraine, all of whom would still be worthy quarterfinal opponents. There will be no Senegals or Turkeys in the semis this time around, which should make for some amazing games in the next two weeks. More than anything else, let's all hope that these games aren't marred by horrific decisions by the referees. It's been a disastrous 48 hours for these guys: yesterday Graham Poll showed three yellow cards to the same player and Markus Merk awarded a non-existent penalty against the US; today Horacio Elizondo allowed a Swiss goal despite his assistant clearly flagging for offside and Jorge Larriondo (Balboa's favorite) failed to award the Tunisians a penalty for a Ukranian handball and then just minutes later called a highly dubious penalty in favor of Ukraine. Please, on behalf of the world I beg you, stop the insanity!

The Day After

Italy celebrates upon hearing that only Australia, Switzerland and the Ukraine stand between them and the semis. This means they won't even have to pay off the refs.

Wow, what a day yesterday was in the World Cup! Not only did the US crash & burn (at least US soccer is consistent with US basketball, baseball, hockey...), but a European powerhouse was eliminated (the Czechs), the most intense & dramatic game of the Cup was played (Australia-Croatia) and soccer refereeing nosedived to a new low (so many yellow cards have been shown that Graham Poll literally lost count of yellow cards yesterday, showing three to Croatia's Josip Simunic - can't wait to hear Beckenbauer's thoughts on that one). A quick recap for you as the first round finishes up just a few hours from now:

The US blew it, Markus Merk submitted his formal application to the Byron Moreno Hall of Shame, and Bruce Arena's reign ended with a whimper - the US-Ghana game had plenty of newsworthy stories. On the plus side, when Arena gets back to the States and finds out that Eric Wynalda has unleashed an all-out campaign for Arena's public lynching, we could have a coach vs commentator throw-down not seen since, er, Ozzie Guillen called out Jay Mariotti.

The Czechs, after looking so strong against the Americans (who apparently weren't nearly as tough to beat as everyone thought), are headed home. Your author's crystal ball showed this team in the semis, but that damn ball is less trustworthy than Fox News. A sad end to Pavel Nedved's career - it looks like his best shot at international glory came in Euro '04, when the Czechs bowed out in the semis to eventual champion Greece. And a surprising collapse for a team that, although decimated by injuries to Jan Koller, Milan Baros, and Vladimir Smicer, is still stacked with talent, from Petr Cech in goal to playmaker Tomas Rosicky. The Czechs will be back, but they'll have four years to point to a poor effort against Ghana before they get an oppportunity to redeem themselves.

Australia-Croatia was easily the best game we've seen thus far. Two teams fighting for their lives, with plenty of history between them for added drama, an appalling refereeing performance, goals aplenty, approximately 32 yellow cards, and see-saw action that left the Aussies in round 2 and the Croats making summer vacation plans. And wouldn't you know it, but Guus Hiddink does it again! After taking South Korea, in 2002, and Holland, in 1998, to the World Cup semis, Hiddink has worked his magic once again (and no, even though he'd be a fantastic candidate, he can't become the next US coach because he's already signed on to manage the Russian national team - doh!).

How sad it is that even the best refs can't be trusted. It's one thing for refs like Egypt's Gamal Ghandour to blow calls, but for Europe's best and most experienced pros to completely fall apart in the biggest games is devastating for the sport of soccer. I have defended their performances in this tournament thus far (Larriondo's calls against the US were legit, the flurry of yellow cards was ordered by FIFA and is only meant to protect the 'jogo bonito' we all want to see, and other than France, few teams can really claim that they got jobbed), but yesterday was a debacle. From Poll issuing three yellow cards to Croatia's Simunic - which is really taking the "don't be afraid to show cards' edict to a new level (in light of all the yellows being dished out, I thought Beckenbauer had just decided to give every player an extra one) - to Merk awarding an inexplicable and game-changing penalty to Ghana, yesterday was all too reminiscent of the 2002 travesty. Here's hoping things change - and fast - but I am not optimistic. Don't be surprised if Sweden finishes their match with Germany with five players - you heard it here first.

No team in the world should be happier today than the Azzurri., and all this after the Serie A scandal reached a fever pitch back home. After two uninspiring performances against Ghana and the US, Italy needed a win against the Czechs. Not only did they run out 2-0 winners, but they won Group E and will now face Australia in round 2. Australia should be exhausted after their win over Croatia, they will be missing influential midfielder Brett Emerton (suspended for cards, of course) and must be feeling thrilled just to have qualified for the second round. Meanwhile, Italy gets a chance to gain revenge on Hiddink, whose South Korea team (with some serious help from the aforementioned Moreno) eliminated the Italians four years ago. And if Italy beats the Socceroos, a quarterfinal game against the Ukraine, Switzerland, France, or (who else) South Korea, awaits - none of those opponents, save maybe the French if they find a way to hit the rewind button to 1998, should be too tough. Compare that to the road that, say, Portugal faces, and it's a far easier path to the semis: Portugal, having taken maximum points from the first-round games and won Group D, now plays a fantastic Holland team in round 2, followed, in all probabilty, by England in the quarterfinals. Argentina, who also looked excellent in winning Group C, must play Mexico in round 2 and then in all likelihood face their German hosts in the quarters. The bottom line is that success in these tournaments, while obviously not possible without an excellent team, depends in large part on favorable match-ups. As I said a few days ago, there's always a team that starts slow, never looks like world-beaters, but gets some easy match-ups and waltzes into the semis - this year's lucky winners: Italy.

Back tomorrow with a preview of round 2...

RIP USA

Who cares about becoming a better soccer player when you can spend all day on the beach and score hat-tricks in MLS?

There are a lot of different ways to assess first-round elimination in the World Cup. It's like a nasty break-up: you can take sides and point to this or that, but odds are that it was a combination of factors that ultimately were just too much to overcome. When a team takes one point from three games, loses to Ghana and the Czech Republic, and argues publicly with its coach, there is enough blame to go around. Here's one man's opinion of who deserves it and who doesn't, as well as what can be done to fix things before South Africa 2010.

Landon Donovan and DeMarcus Beasley, American soccer's two poster boys, were not good enough. Not by a long shot. Sports Illustrated had a cover story before the World Cup with the headline "U.S. Soccer Wants You - As they take on the world, the young American stars believe they can win. Are you with them?" Well, I think it's safe to say that both at home and in Germany the Americans got the support they asked for. And it's safe to say they didn't live up to the hype. Beasley at least had the assist on Dempsey's goal against Ghana and a disallowed goal against Italy, but Donovan did next to nothing. All of the talk about Donovan being the star of this team is a joke. Aside from his performances in Japan/Korea four years ago, he has not been good enough on the international stage. In the four years since then, he has not improved as much as he could and should have. To become the true star of American soccer, Donovan's first move should be back to Europe. So what if he doesn't like the weather in Germany or doesn't speak the language - go to Spain, where it's warmer and Donovan speaks Spanish, or go to England and bring space-heaters and video games...just go to Europe. MLS is a decent league, but just as the best from Ecuador to Japan all head to Europe, so should the American players. Look at how much Bobby Convey improved when he went to Reading. Look at Kasey Keller. Brian McBride. Oguchi Onyewu. The list goes on - you get better by playing with the best, not where you can lay on the beach, surf in the Pacific, and never worry about a coach putting your butt on the bench.

Beasley is another story. At least Beasley can point to Arena's mistaken decision to play him out of position in the Cup. Against the Czechs, Beasley shifted over to the right wing (from the left) and looked out of place. Against Ghana, Beasley played a more central role in a 4-5-1, playing alongside Donovan as two offensive midfielders flanked by Eddie Lewis on the left and Clint Dempsey (the Americans' best player) on the right. Beasley's play improved against the Ghanaians, but he needs to be on the left wing to be at his best. As long as he continues to play at PSV Eindhoven in the Dutch Eredivisie, Beasley will improve - he has to, because his play in Germany was nowhere near as good as it could have been.

On ESPN's post-game show, Eric Wynalda unfairly ripped Bruce Arena, singling him out for the loss (one more example of why just because someone can play the game doesn't mean they know how to analyze it). While Arena deserves some blame for playing Beasley out of position and not giving Eddie Johnson more time, he is not the problem. Still, odds are that Arena will vacate his post in the next few months, either by his own volition or not - either way, this elimination is not his fault. He has coached this team for eight years, taken them to to the 2002 quarterfinals, ushered in a new group of young American talent, and he may go down as the best American coach ever. He might be able to point to a tough group and some questionable refereeing decisions, but the fact is that his team was not good enough this time around. And that's the players' fault - they were still the ones on the pitch and they didn't deliver. Other than the guts they showed against the Azzurri, there were few positive impressions left by the American players. And maybe Arena has just run out of ways to improve this current squad. It is not uncommon for coaches to hit a wall with their teams - look at the Tampa Bay Bucs: Tony Dungy built that team into a contender, but couldn't take them all the way - that doesn't mean he's not a great coach - but it took a change to Jon Gruden for that team to take the next step. US soccer is still growing - it needs constant rejuvenation and innovation to continue to take the next step forward. Arena has done his part - now it's time to move on.

Whatever questionable decisions Arena made, it comes down to the players. Despite shooting up FIFA's (BS) ranking system, the Americans have not improved enough since the last World Cup. Professional soccer is pretty simple. The best players play in Europe. Period. Even in the most fanatical countries such as Brazil and Argentina, whose domestic leagues are about 20 times better than MLS, going to Europe is still a rite of passage - if you're one of the best players, you go to Europe to see how you match up against the best. Either you hack it or you don't, but either way you'll improve. And the Americans need to do more of that. Almost half the World Cup squad plays in MLS right now, where they're not improving as fast or as much as they could be across the pond. Donovan, Dempsey, Mastroeni, Johnson, Conrad, Olsen, O'Brien, Albright, Ching, Adu, and other top American players all need to go to Europe. This is no knock on MLS, by the way - like US soccer in general, MLS is a growing entity. It's just that the US national team needs to be a group of players who have gained experience in the technical and tactical aspects of the game acquired in the best leagues of the world, experience that can be gained in England, Italy, Spain, and Germany, not Califreakinfornia. Do you think that Ghana's Michael Essien became a star by staying in his homeland? No, it was with Olympique Lyon and Chelsea. Did Stephen Appiah become the playmaker he is today by staying in Africa? Not quite, he did it in Italy's Serie A. The easy thing to do might be to play where you're comfortable, where you're a star, but it won't make you any better; the only way to improve is to play against the best players. And the best are not in MLS. Even in the World Cup warm-up matches, when the US could have chosen tough opponents to prepare them for the Cup, they didn't. Ghana, who eliminated the Americans, played South Korea, a semi-finalist four years ago. The US played soccer minnows Latvia and Venezuela. And a few years ago, when the US was invited to play in South America's continental tournament, the Copa America, did they accept the chance to test this team against the likes of Brazil and Argentina? Nope. Make sense to you? Didn't think so.

You can blame the refs. You can blame Arena. You can blame bad luck and a tough group. Heck, you can blame Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa for making the games even more unbearable to watch. But it comes down to the players on the field. They are the ones that have to improve. Sure, people can always play the "What if...?" game: if they get an easy group, if the ref doesn't make one of the worst penalty calls you'll ever see, if this, if that...but the best teams don't leave it up to chance - they go out there and do everything possible to put themselves in positions where one bad call or one bad break won't ruin their chances. Soccer academies in Florida are nice, domestic leagues are steps in the right direction, and playing friendlies in Germany is good, but none of that is enough. Heck, always qualifying from CONCACAF is not enough (Costa Rica, Trinidad & Tobago, and the US all finished bottom of their groups; Mexico could only draw with Angola). The US, as a growing soccer nation, has to do everything possible to improve. And that means not playing against the best players just once every four years - it means playing against the best every day, even if you're homesick, freezing cold, and tired of sauerkraut.

Minute 90

This one is pretty much over. Italy will win the group, thanks to their 2-0 win over the Czechs (a real disappointment in this tourney). Ghana will finish second & will likely face Brazil in round 2, making them this year's African surprise. The US will finish last, with one solitary (but heroic) point. Sad but true.

And it's a final from Nuremberg. Not only did the breaks not go the Americans' way, but Donovan and Beasley, the two young stars, were both huge disappointments in this tourney. Full recap coming later.

Minute 80

Time is just ticking away here. No real chances from the US. They just can't get a grip on the game in midfield. Unlucky game for the US - Reyna gets injured and it results in a goal for Ghana, iffy penalty call from Merk, off the post from McBride...you just can't have that many breaks go against you and expect to win.

Convey's in and just won a free kick on the edge of the box. The US needs a goal. And fast.

Minute 70

I swear that I wrote that Johnson-for-Cherundolo post before Arena did it. You don't have to believe me, but you have my word. Pinky swear.

Off the post from McBride! I bet the titanium plates in his face screwed him up. Damn those titanium plates!

Header over the bar from Gooch! So close for the US! Constant pressure from the Americans now. A goal for the US and Ghana would really get nervous here.

Minute 60

The US has to push men forward, leaving themselves wide-open to counter-attacks. And with a team as fast as Ghana, that's a huge risk - still, they've got no choice.

Surprising not to see Eddie Johnson yet. You would think that Arena would go to a three-man back line, replacing Cherundolo with Johnson because Blackmouth can play at centerback, too.
It's now or never, Bruce.

Minute 50

Still don't see the penalty on Gooch - yeah, he's big & clumsy, but he was straight-up and he won the ball. We can only hope for a make-up call from Merk.

Second half underway. The US has 40 minutes to score twice - a real mountain to climb for them. And it's a real shame that Merk made that call - the US had all the momentum from their goal and were really coming into the game.

Nothing of note from half numero dos, except that one of Ghana's players may be named Pingpong.

Oh no!

Terrible penalty call by Merk. I retract everything I said about him earlier. That's one of the worst calls you'll ever see. Gooch gets called for, um, winning a header in the box? Balboa must be going into cardiac arrest, but he was muted a while ago. Appiah scores from the spot. What a disaster. And that's halftime. This sucks.

GOOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

Beasley breaks from midfield, flies down the wing, sends in a great low cross to Dempsey who buries it in stride! We're all square at 1! As it stands, with the Italy score right now, the US is a goal away from the second round!

Minute 40

The US looks terrible. Reyna's back, which spares us the sight of Ben Olsen in a must-win World Cup game. Ghana just almost went up 2-0, just missing the post on a breakaway. The US needs to wake up.

On the plus side, Italy is up 1-0 on the Czechs. Of course, unless the US remembers that they are playing in the World Freakin Cup here, that won't matter much.

Best chance of the game for the US: knock-down header from McBride, wayward shot from Donovan. That's the first time the two strikers have combined in recent memory. If we don't see more of that fast, it'll be time for Eddie Johnson & Bobby Convey. Still, this is better from the US.

Free kick for the US. Good punch by Kingson. Third corner for the US comes to nothing. But more presssure from the Americans is good to see...

Reyna's off. Unlucky. Ben Olsen in. That's a shame for a lot of reasons. Reyna's been the best player for the US so far this Cup - now he's replaced by one of the last guys to make the World Cup squad. John O'Brien must be completely unfit to play - he would be the natural sub right there. Olsen just fouled Essien within 30 seconds of coming on...yikes.

GOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Reyna gets caught in possession, turns it over, goes down in a heap, and Ghana's Dramani goes in alone on Keller & puts the bulge in de ole onion bag! That opening goal is huge. The US has a ginormous task ahead of it now. And Reyna is being stretchered off. Disaster for the Americans.

Minute 20

Pretty blah opening 20 minutes, but Ghana look a bit better than the US. Of course, Balboa has already ripped Ghana, saying they look nothing like the team that beat the Czechs.

Isiah Thomas has fired Larry Brown and named himself head coach! This has nothing to do with US-Ghana, but it does mean that my boy Joey has just been placed on 24-hour suicide watch. Hang in there, Joseph. Things'll get better...well, actually they won't. The Knickerbockers are screwed, but at least we get a few more years of Isiah jokes.

Balboa is on the refs again for calling offsides against Donovan , who was indeed offsides. In what could be the turning point of the game, the TV was just muted.

ESPN just switched to showing shots of Columbus, Ohio, where about 500 more people are watching the game than at Times Square. Now if they could just switch to Dellacamera & Harkes...

Minute 10

Pathetic shot of Times Square - there are about 14 people out there. Not exactly the Zocalo in Mexico City. Let's not show that again - it actually gets me, uh, un-fired up.

Essien just went into the book for a tackle on Reyna. That's good (how's that for some insightful analysis?). He's their best player and if his aggressiveness is in any way curtailed today, that'll only help the Americans. And now Lewis gets booked - on cue, Balboa rips the ref for being too strict.

The US is playing a 4-4-2, with Bocanegra at leftback. The midfield 4 appear to be in a diamond formation, with Reyna at the back, Lewis to his left, Dempsey on the right, and Beasley, normally a winger, in the center.

Ghana's wearing red, a much better look for them than that boring white home jersey.

McBride is playing with titanium plates in his face. Wow.

The ref

Markus Merk, ze German ref, is in charge of this one. He's one of the best refs in the world, so we're in good hands, although if anyone even breathes on a US player, Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa will go ape.

Semper Fi

Word has it that Arena showed the players some photos and footage of Marines in Iraq. If that doesn't get them fired up, nothing will. Then again, they were pretty fired up against the Azzurri and they finished with nine men - and no, it wasn't the ref's fault (although that's what ESPN would have us believe). I may be misinformed, but apparently W suggested that Arena pour some oil in Ghana's goal and let the players go after it.

Live from Nuremberg!

Live from Nuremberg, it's the World Cup! (Ugh, that's the last time I kick off a story like that). The US and Ghana are making their way out onto the field, or at least 11 representatives from each country - I'd really like the US chances if they could play these games with their entire populations. As expected, Arena has made some surprising changes - it worked for the US in the last World Cup, so let's do it again. The formation looks like a 5-4-1 or 4-5-1 on paper, depending on where Eddie Lewis lines up. If it's the former, then Cherundolo and Lewis are the wingbacks and Onyewu, Conrad and Bocanegra (or "Black Mouth" en espanol) are at centerback. Beasley and Dempsey will be the wingers in midfield with Reyna and Donovan in the middle; McBride, stitches & all, is up front. No room for Convey or Eddie Johnson - seeing as this US has seriously struggled to score goals, that seems like a risky decision. And no, Christian Zaccardo is not available to play for the US in this game.

Odds & Ends

Another hapless attacker chokes on a hairball at the hands of Coloccini and Sorin.


Random thoughts while watching a lackluster Argentina-Holland game.

Dennis Bergkamp, where are ya?

The hilarity of listening to ESPN's commentators butchering names continues (Argentina's Abbondazieri is a nightmare for poor JP Dellacamera). Unfortunately, so too does the dreadful analysis. Marcelo Balboa appears determined to enter an elite club of announcers (Dick Vitale, Hubie Brown, the old ESPN Sunday Night Football crew) that make the "Mute" option seem more appealing than Claudia Schiffer on a desert island. Hey 'Celo, Bill Walton wants his mic back. Overheard during the last 50 hours of Cup-watching at the World Soccer Blogger headquarters:
- "Ronaldinho needs to work on his defending. That's his big weakness." Ronaldinho plays as a forward/offensive midfielder. He is widely regarded as the greatest player in the world and even Pele has said he may one day be the greatest ever - well, if works on his defending, of course.
- "Beckham, at age 34, is really showing his age." Beckham is 31, captain of England, and provided the assist on Crouch's game-winning goal against Trinidad & Tobago - he had also played the best pass of the entire Sweden game, a 70-yard ball to Rooney. And he's coming off one of his best seasons ever for Real Madrid.
- "That was Germany's last chance. Germany is probably just chalking this up to it not being their day." After Germany hit the post against Poland with a few minutes to go, Balboa pronounced the game over. Germany scored 30 seconds later.

The loss of Michael Owen to a torn ACL is no loss at all. If anything, it may allow Eriksson to switch to a 4-5-1 with Rooney as a lone striker and Owen Hargreaves as a sorely-needed defensive midfielder.

To avoid having the presentation of their new uniform for the 06-07 season overshadowed by some soccer tourney in Germany, Barcelona took the logical step of presenting their new kit in Frankfurt today. And it's definitely a new look for them - two wide blue and red stripes (or 'azul' and 'grana' for those in the know) and blue shorts instead of the red ones they wore last year. No word yet on whether or not the Unfrozen Caveman was in Frankfurt to model them. More photos and analysis coming in August during the 2006-07 edition of World Soccer Blogger's Uniform Preview.

Their game against the Dutch was a letdown, but when they were playing with their first team it was clear that Argentina is at a whole 'nother level. Spain and Germany are the only teams that have looked half-as-good so far. Those three teams - and Brazil simply on the basis of potential - are your new short list of teams that can win it all.

Four teams that have looked as bad as the previous four have looked good are England, Mexico, France and Italy. Don't be surprised if a couple of them make the quarterfinals simply because of easy 2nd round matchups, but they're all crap.

Der Kaiser Franz Beckenbauer has gotten a lot of press for complaining that too many cards are being shown in the tournament. While you'd like to see the best players playing in the biggest games (and not sitting on the sidelines suspended), you also want to see the best players playing the beautiful game, free of the shirt-pulling, elbowing, and illegal tackling that can sometimes prevent that. It's like what happened in the NHL last year. Over time, hockey had deteriorated into an ugly, boring game to watch because of all the grappling and holding. The top players were overshadowed by the more physical ones. The refs needed to get control of it again. And they did. Just as important as the establishment of new, stricter rules was the emphasis on re-inforcing old ones. All of a sudden, hockey became a fun, attractive game to watch - speed and youth were once again at a premium, rather than brute strength and combativeness. Sure, hockey still sucks and no one gives a rat's ass about it, but they had the right idea. And soccer's going through that same process right now. There's a reason why Italy always has players sent off in these big tournaments - no league in the world allows more holding, fouling, clutching, and grabbing than the Serie A. Watch a corner kick in the 90th minute of a Juve-Roma game and it's more like a rugby scrum than soccer. And then, in international play, the Italians are unable to adapt to the international refereeing - plus, they throw elbows nasty enough to warrant incarceration. Beckenbauer is right that no one wants players to be suspended for big games because of cheap yellow cards - but what good is it to have the best players on the field if the referees aren't protecting them and letting them do their thing?

Is there a defensive center-back partnership in the world with more hair than Fabrizio Coloccini & Gabriel Milito of Argentina? Throw in Juan Pablo Sorin and you've got more hair between the three of them than in ZZ Top. Just imagine trying to win a header against them - you'd be lucky not to choke to death on a hairball.

US-Ghana tomorrow is must-see TV. If the US-Italy game was the biggest in this country's history, US-Ghana is bigger. Ghana is a fast, young team with one of the best players in the world, Michael Essien. If the US can stop him, they can win the game (and set up a 2nd round meeting with Brazil, where they still remember Keller's heroics in a 1998 Gold Cup semifinal). If they can't stop Essien, fuggedaboutit. My pick: US 1-0, goal from McBride. Italy nil-nil with the Czechs, and the Americans out. Ya heard?

D-Wade In Deutschland?

Straight red card on McDyess, penalty kick for Miami, and Bavetta on his way to Germany.

Right now, in every part of the U.S. not named Dallas, fans are engulfed in collective orgasm over the NBA Finals performance of one Dwyane Wade. Aside from the fact that Mrs. Wade is clearly dyslexic or illiterate & her son got more help from the refs than Korea in the last World Cup, Wade's performance was a remarkable one. Not only did he lead the 1998 All-Star team to the NBA title eight years later, Wade played a type of basketball not seen often enough these days: aggressive, attacking, direct, and fearless. It was go, go, go, and then go some more. Of course, it's easier to attack when you know no one can come within five feet of you - the president now has a rival when it comes to the most protected man in the country - but he still deserves credit for this. Now before you think that I'm going to write the 5,012th article on the atrocious refereeing (I'm not - any time the city of Dallas is miserable, that's cause for celebration at WSB), allow me to refer those fans out there who love D-Wade's game to some players to watch at the World Cup. Attributes like aggression and fearlessness are not unique to basketball, of course, and there are some long-lost relatives of Wade tooling their trade in Deutschland as we speak.

In soccer, there are two types of attackers: the ones who slow the game down and wait for just the right moment to play a killer pass or gracefully glide by defenders and the ones who only know one speed - the one that makes it look like the TiVO got stuck on fast-forward. The former, players like Zidane and Riquelme, are amazing to watch not only because of their accuracy and skill with the ball, but even more so because of their ability to dictate the pace of the game and lull the opposition to sleep before dissecting them like a frog in a 5th grade science class; but we're not interested in them today - we're here in Germany searching for soccer's D-Wade.

And when looking for talent in futbol, it's always smart to start with those yellow-shirted samba boys from Brazil. Ronaldinho, more when he plays for Barcelona than for Brazil, drives at defenders with reckless abandon, but that ball remains glued to his feet. He is one of an elite class of players who can literally embarass world-class defenders. To watch him play with a striker like Samuel Etoo, the Cameroon forward who unfortunately is not at the Cup, is a lesson in playing with speed and aggression. Plus, it gives buck-toothed kids worldwide an idol that they sorely need.

Steven Gerrard, one of the few bright spots for England, is another player who surges forward, driving defenders backwards before he unleashes a rocket strike into the upper corner. When playing for Liverpool, Gerrard is nearly unstoppable; when playing for England, forced to share the offensive midfielder duties with Frank Lampard, Gerrard is nowhere near as effective.

Another unfortunate example of a player who plays in full-on attack mode for his club team but far less so for his national squad is France and Arsenal's Thierry Henry. In Arsenal's 4-5-1, it is Henry's job to lead the line and slice through the opponent's backline with blazing speed; with les Bleus, Henry is forced to play at Zidane's pace, robbing Henry of the chance to use his greatest attribute.

Later today, the world may be treated to an extended viewing of Argentina wunderkind Lionel Messi - Messi, only 19, has not yet learned to slow the game down. He knows he can beat you, so why waste everyone's time? When you remember that Messi and Ronaldinho and Etoo and the Unfrozen Caveman all play for Barcelona, it's no wonder the Catalans won this year's Champions League title (and the prize for World's Ugliest Team).

Still, no player personifies the fearless abandon and reckless aggression of Wade more than England's Wayne Rooney - there's a reason why the entire nation held its collective breath waiting for Rooney to recover from injury despite having world-class stars like Gerrard and Lampard and Owen and some guy named Beckham on the team. Plus, Rooney makes a fisherman caught in a thunderstorm sound like a boy scout - if only there were a way for closed captioning to print all of his obscene diatribes (I'd happily fork over an extra 5 bucks every month on the cable bill for that). Rooney may not be at his best during this Cup, seeing as he broke his foot only 6 weeks ago, but if he is, it'll be like watching D-Wade in Deutschland. And get this: word has it that Dick Bavetta & Bennett Salvatore were seen catching a flight to Berlin to ref England-Ecuador. Stay tuned.

La Furia Roja

With Spain, aptly described as the Atlanta Braves of international soccer by SI's Jonah Freedman, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even when they appear astonishingly strong, attacking from all angles, stringing together passes like few other teams can, and controlling play seemingly effortlessly, there's always that seed of doubt in the back of every Spanish fan's mind that a shocking letdown is just around the corner. The only thing that changes from one tournament to the next is the culprit: in France '98, it was La Seleccion's ultra-conservative coach, Javier Clemente, as Spain crashed out in the first round; in Euro '00, it was Raul's Baggio-like penalty miss against the French in round 2; in the last World Cup, just when everything seemed to be clicking for them, the Spanish dream was shattered by some appalling refereeing decisions by Egypt's Gamal Ghandour (who may or may not have wagered tens of thousands of dollars on Korea in that game); two years ago at Euro '04, Spain had the misfortune of being drawn in a difficult group, including host Portugal and eventual champions Greece, and never made it into the knock-out rounds, falling 0-1 to their Iberian rivals.

This time around, most Spanish fans seem to be resigned to the fact that there will be yet another chapter written in Spain's long book of disappointments, the only question is who will be responsible for it. Before the tournament began, a Madrid newspaper showed a photo of the World Cup's referees under the headline "Which one of them will kick us out this time?", reminding the Spanish audience of all the injustices against them from 1934 to 2002 (put it this way - if Mark Cuban had been in charge of Spain four years ago, he would currently be serving a life sentence in some Cairo peniteniary for leaving Ghandour's severed head floating in the Nile). Even after shredding a tough Ukraine team 4-0 in their first game, the Spanish sport daily "Marca" felt compelled to print a headline before yesterday's Tunisia game encouraging the country that "You'll see that it wasn't a dream". When La Seleccion fell behind to an early goal by the Africans, who only managed a draw with Saudi Arabia (the only team in the Cup that might be an underdog against Togo), all of the fans from Sevilla to Bilbao must have been questioning the accuracy of that statement. After laying siege to the Carthage Eagles' goal for more than an hour, Spain finally broke through, first with a goal by the off-form Raul, followed by a wonderful equalizer from 'El Nino' Torres, off a pass from a real 'nino' Cesc Fabregas, and then a penalty from Torres to make the final scoreline a more flattering 3-1. Not only does the win qualify Spain for round 2, but it subjects an innocent worldwide audience to more camera angles of Carles "The Unfrozen Caveman" Puyol, Spain's bruising defender and candidate for captain of the Cup's All-Ugly Team. After having to watch him throughout Barcelona's march to this year's Champions League title, this is just salt on the wounds.

Despite the win, the game will have been a stark reminder of past failures - just when the Spaniards want to believe that this could be their year, they are always brought crashing back down to earth. Gamal Ghandour may have mercilessly retired a few years ago, but rest assured he has only passed the torch of Spain's nemesis onto someone else. Be it the fault of the referees, their own coach, or even one of their many superstar players, the only question with Spain is not if it will all go horribly wrong, but when and how. Oh, and how many TVs will explode from transmitting the hideous images of everyone's least favorite Caveman. Watch this space.