End Result of Switzerland-Ukraine: An NBA Draft Preview

Great wingspan, huge upside potential, sky-high ceiling, and absurd pinstriped suit. It's the NBA Draft!


...(This is what happens when Switzerland & the Ukraine play 120 torturous minutes of scoreless footie in the second round of the World Cup - I mean, shouldn't the ref have awarded a completely non-existent penalty by now?)...

With the World Cup at its approximate halfway point - when most of the lightweights have already boarded planes for home and left the heavyweights to square off against one another - it's time for a rare break from ripping FIFA, admiring the attacking verve of Germany and Argentina and Spain, suffering through more O'Brien/Balboa torture, and looking forward to a quarterfinal match finishing with both teams playing with seven men & a coach launching a grenade at the ref. And what better way to take some time off than to celebrate the arrival of one of the best American sports days of the year: the NBA Draft. This year, other than Knicks jokes & ridiculous, oversized suits, there are fewer 'sure things' than in recent memory. You can't count on much come Wednesday night, but here's what I'm looking forward to:

1. A plethora of first-round busts. Let's start with the Dookies. For a school with such a pristine reputation, the Harvard of the South has sure taken a big hit to its reputation this year. We won't get into the lacrosse fiasco, but one thing that everyone heard ad nauseum this spring was that Coach K never would've tolerated any of those shenanigans with the basketball program. Like what, maybe poster-boy JJ Redick getting hit with a DUI? I guess that would never happen. An ominous start to post-college life for Redick, who is destined to disappoint in the Association, too. His college teammate, Shelden Williams, might be even more of a flop. Sorry, but 6-9 and 270 sounds a lot like Sean May, another beefy, undersized forward who hasn't done and will never do much in the pros, other than join the ongoing battle with Mike Sweetney for most grotesquely overweight power forward. Fellas, it's one thing for Sir Charles to blow past the 300-mark - the guy's already had a Hall of Fame career - but you guys might want to hold off on that fifth triple-cheeseburger for a few more years.

2. Everyone picking the Pistons to finish third in the Central behind the Cavs and the Bulls, who - thanks to a generous donation from Isiah - have the second pick in the draft. Look for the Bulls, who scared the crap out of the Heat in the first round, to grab Aldridge. How's this for a starting line-up: Hinrich, Gordon, Nocioni, Aldridge, and Chandler, with Duhon, Deng, and the aforementioned Sweetney off the bench. Oh, and they've got the 16th pick, too. If they elect not to draft Aldridge and somehow swindel Shawn Marion away from the Suns, then they will be even better equipped to make some serious noise in the East next year.

3. An ESPN telecast with more BS than a White House press briefing. You never know who to believe at this time of year, other than not trusting a word out of Bill Walton's mouth (not that you should pay him any attention during the other 364 days either). There are just way too many rumors, but never have they involved so many big-time superstars. As well as the Matrix, rumor has it that KG, AI, Jermaine O'Neal, and Rashard Lewis are all on the block. For fans in Minnesota & Philly, you have to be on the verge of cardiac arrest at the prospect of Kevin McHale and Billy King trading your franchise player - if only the two would deal with each other, than the Twolves & Sixers might actually be able to make a fair trade. King is the one man who could even get less value for AI than the Sixers got for Sir Charles way back in the day (Hornacek, Perry, Lang...why not just throw in some used toilet paper?). One rumor that would help another team with a lottery pick poised to make some noise next season has the Hawks selecting Brandon Roy, at #5, only to send him to Houston for future bust (and possible #7 pick) Shelden Williams and Luther Head. Were Roy to end up on the same squad as T-Mac and Yao, the Rockets would have to enter the discussion of possible candidates to emerge from the West next year, along with the Mavs, Spurs, and Suns. Another lottery steal could be Randy Foye, who could also be a nice fit in Youston.

4. "When you talk about the best player in the draft, you have to talk about guys like Rudy Gay. You know that guys like Morrison, Aldridge, and Roy can play, but if you're a scout then you have to be drooling over Gay's upside. You should see this kid's wingspan - and that's what makes his ceiling impossible to even comprehend."
See, it's insider information courtesy of ESPN's Hubie Ford like that that can only be found here at World Soccer Blogger. Here we do footie better than hoops, so it must be a sign of ignorance that we go on a clearly out-dated method of scouting: watch the guys play and draw your opinions based on their performances in big-time games. I'll take Morrison, Aldridge, and Roy any day before Gay even enters the discussion. Randy Foye, too. Heck, even Marcus Williams. Never before has there been such a plethora of atrocious GMs in the Association; combined with scouting departments that seem to place more emphasis on what you could do than what you can do, you've got a recipe for disaster. It's only a matter of time before a 19-year old 7-footer from Bulgaria with a 9-foot wingspan who averaged 4 points a game in the Belgian league gets taken ahead of All-Americans that dropped triple-doubles in the Elite Eight; we'll be watching grainy footage from a Cypriot exhibition match of the kid dunking over double amputees while Stephen A & Jay Bilas yell at the camera about the guy's upside. Sure, there are plenty of players that lit it up in college that will struggle to succeed at the next level for any number of reasons (see Redick, JJ), but that doesn't mean that the known should be ignored in favor of the unknown. Then again, there are zero rational reasons for an owner to employ Isiah, so at least these millionaire morons are being consistent.
Just take a look at ESPN's draft website. Thomas is listed as the top prospect, but described as risky; Bargnani is second, but is called a gutsy pick; Aldridge is third, but might be slipping to no. 6; but Roy, fourth in the rankings, is described as a player that is 'the most complete' and 'does everything well'. And he's fourth? Huh?
Me? If I'm kicking off draft night, Brandon Roy is the first man to shake Stern's hand. Aldridge would be up there, but I want a sure thing, especially one with more of a killer instinct than a passive streak. Morrison is a throwback that I stayed up past midnight for on a regular basis this past year, just to see him do his best Larry Legend imitation against Northeast Idaho Tech, but when you're getting abused by WAC swingmen, I'm not optimistic about your defense in the Association. Gay's a joke, Bargnani's a risk, Thomas is the definition of 'upside potential', and O'Bryant averaged 12 points for Bradley - 'nuff said. From U-Dub, give me the appropriately named Brandon R.O.Y.

5. More Isiah. Give me more. Mas y mas. And allow me to compliment myself on some remarkable self-restraint - only a couple Isiah comments in the entire post. Well done, me. Part of that is that it's all been said, part of that is that any Knicks fan had to know what to expect when the Holy Trinity of Basketball A**holes was formed around this time last year, and part of that is that if there's one area where Isiah is not a complete and total abomintion it is the draft. T-Mac, Damon Stoudamire, Marcus Camby, Channing Frye, Nate Robinson...hey, with all the damage done by Isiah in every other area - the man has the anti-Midas touch - Knicks fans can at least find some cause for optimism there. The biggest story of this draft will not be another Isiah Act of Idiocy, but rather some established superstars being dealt in blockbuster deals, the Bulls and Rockets going from pretenders to contenders, Rudy Gay ruining the foreseeable future of one team with a top-five pick, and more appalling designer suits than have ever been seen in one room since, well, this time last year.

In the meantime, don't miss Spain vs France this afternoon. Fernando Torres has some serious upside potential...and any knucklehead know never to underestimate the importance of wingspan in soccer.