D-Wade In Deutschland?

Straight red card on McDyess, penalty kick for Miami, and Bavetta on his way to Germany.

Right now, in every part of the U.S. not named Dallas, fans are engulfed in collective orgasm over the NBA Finals performance of one Dwyane Wade. Aside from the fact that Mrs. Wade is clearly dyslexic or illiterate & her son got more help from the refs than Korea in the last World Cup, Wade's performance was a remarkable one. Not only did he lead the 1998 All-Star team to the NBA title eight years later, Wade played a type of basketball not seen often enough these days: aggressive, attacking, direct, and fearless. It was go, go, go, and then go some more. Of course, it's easier to attack when you know no one can come within five feet of you - the president now has a rival when it comes to the most protected man in the country - but he still deserves credit for this. Now before you think that I'm going to write the 5,012th article on the atrocious refereeing (I'm not - any time the city of Dallas is miserable, that's cause for celebration at WSB), allow me to refer those fans out there who love D-Wade's game to some players to watch at the World Cup. Attributes like aggression and fearlessness are not unique to basketball, of course, and there are some long-lost relatives of Wade tooling their trade in Deutschland as we speak.

In soccer, there are two types of attackers: the ones who slow the game down and wait for just the right moment to play a killer pass or gracefully glide by defenders and the ones who only know one speed - the one that makes it look like the TiVO got stuck on fast-forward. The former, players like Zidane and Riquelme, are amazing to watch not only because of their accuracy and skill with the ball, but even more so because of their ability to dictate the pace of the game and lull the opposition to sleep before dissecting them like a frog in a 5th grade science class; but we're not interested in them today - we're here in Germany searching for soccer's D-Wade.

And when looking for talent in futbol, it's always smart to start with those yellow-shirted samba boys from Brazil. Ronaldinho, more when he plays for Barcelona than for Brazil, drives at defenders with reckless abandon, but that ball remains glued to his feet. He is one of an elite class of players who can literally embarass world-class defenders. To watch him play with a striker like Samuel Etoo, the Cameroon forward who unfortunately is not at the Cup, is a lesson in playing with speed and aggression. Plus, it gives buck-toothed kids worldwide an idol that they sorely need.

Steven Gerrard, one of the few bright spots for England, is another player who surges forward, driving defenders backwards before he unleashes a rocket strike into the upper corner. When playing for Liverpool, Gerrard is nearly unstoppable; when playing for England, forced to share the offensive midfielder duties with Frank Lampard, Gerrard is nowhere near as effective.

Another unfortunate example of a player who plays in full-on attack mode for his club team but far less so for his national squad is France and Arsenal's Thierry Henry. In Arsenal's 4-5-1, it is Henry's job to lead the line and slice through the opponent's backline with blazing speed; with les Bleus, Henry is forced to play at Zidane's pace, robbing Henry of the chance to use his greatest attribute.

Later today, the world may be treated to an extended viewing of Argentina wunderkind Lionel Messi - Messi, only 19, has not yet learned to slow the game down. He knows he can beat you, so why waste everyone's time? When you remember that Messi and Ronaldinho and Etoo and the Unfrozen Caveman all play for Barcelona, it's no wonder the Catalans won this year's Champions League title (and the prize for World's Ugliest Team).

Still, no player personifies the fearless abandon and reckless aggression of Wade more than England's Wayne Rooney - there's a reason why the entire nation held its collective breath waiting for Rooney to recover from injury despite having world-class stars like Gerrard and Lampard and Owen and some guy named Beckham on the team. Plus, Rooney makes a fisherman caught in a thunderstorm sound like a boy scout - if only there were a way for closed captioning to print all of his obscene diatribes (I'd happily fork over an extra 5 bucks every month on the cable bill for that). Rooney may not be at his best during this Cup, seeing as he broke his foot only 6 weeks ago, but if he is, it'll be like watching D-Wade in Deutschland. And get this: word has it that Dick Bavetta & Bennett Salvatore were seen catching a flight to Berlin to ref England-Ecuador. Stay tuned.